Sunday, July 10, 2011

I Wish I Could Tell You

There are no words for this, no picture can capture it, no song express it, but I wanted to share it. . . how? 

For a long time my blog has sat silent because I could not express this, so why am I trying now when I am so busy?  It is because I am thinking about someone.  I don't know your name, and you may not be any of the people who visit my blog, but I am thinking about you.  You have in your heart a longing to be loved.  You dream of a prince who will satisfy your every desire and make you complete.  You look at the available guys around you and try to find a fit.  Maybe you give one of them your heart, your soul, everything you have to give, and still you can't find it.  Maybe you wait. . . for what you don't know, maybe you think it is time to give up.  Maybe you feel God has forgotten you.  Maybe it seems your longing for a man who will love you as Christ loves His church is hopeless idealism.  Maybe you don't think there is a beautiful story for you.  Maybe God is asking you to give up a relationship or a dream that means everything to you.  Maybe you hesitate. . .

That's why I am writing to you.  I have to tell you that it is possible.  I have to tell you that nothing can compare with God's plan.  I have to tell you that the man you desire is Jesus.  I have to tell you that He knows too your need of a man you can see and feel.  I have to tell you that He writes love stories that are beyond compare.  I long to communicate to you that if you will let your plans go, your daydreams, your attachments that are not His will, He will surprise you.  I know.

This spring I was swept off my feet. . . by Jesus.  I could not believe that when He asked me to make Him the center of my life and to really seek holiness in my relationships with young men that He could make me so happy.  I could not believe He really was satisfying me.

Then, I could not believe that the dreams I had surrendered to Him were being fulfilled.  I could not believe His plan was so beautiful.  I could not believe He was giving me Stephen Leach.  Me? 

I laughed tears, I cried tears, all happy ones.  My only regret is that I didn't believe it sooner.  My mind flew to the first years of college when I noticed him for the first time.  His depth; his convictions- so balanced and practical, so uncompromising; his kindness; his enthusiasm; his interests so much like my own; his love for his church, his family, his God.  I remembered my desire to be with him, to work with him, to talk to him.  I remembered my determination not to get my hopes up.  I remembered the conviction that I should wait on God's timing, I remembered the struggle to do it.  I remembered the gradual resignation to let it all go.

I breathed a pray of thankfulness to God.  Thankfulness that I had allowed Him to take my dreams at last and replace them with His vision for me.  Thankfulness for the principles in His messages to His people that counseled me to put my education above a relationship.  Thankfulness for a family that was able to support me and point me higher.  Thankfulness for the gift that I do not deserve.

There is so much more I want to write, my friend.  I am still thinking of you.  I would like to sit down, you and he and I and tell you the story in detail.  I would like to go for a walk or sit on the swing and share our hearts.  I would like to tell you how beautiful this thing is. . . not just the beautiful story that is unfolding between Stephen and I, but the beautiful peace of knowing that God is directing it.  I would like to look in your eyes and tell you the glory of God's way and the joy of following it.

I know it sounds to good to be true.  I know I can't see past the stars in my eyes.  I know you don't think it can happen to you.  Just try it.   Try surrendering your life to God and seeing what He can do with it.  Wait, trust, surrender, and let Him surprise you.

Your friend,